His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
