Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
