I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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