Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
