i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
