I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
