So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
