Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just had sex bonerless
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
