I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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