best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
