So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
