dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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