The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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