PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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