she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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