Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
