A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize