3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize