so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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