Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
