he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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