You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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