I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
