im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
