Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
