I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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