I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize