I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
