I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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