he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
