i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
