Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Randomize
