i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
