you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
