I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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