i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
