I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
