just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
