I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize