Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't deserve a penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
