and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Randomize