Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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