I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
