Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
