i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
