i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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