I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
