Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
