Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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