At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
