you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
