I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
