R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
