that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
