I wanna bring you to show and tell
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
