he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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