he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
