I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
