Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
