why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
