I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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