She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
