We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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