Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
