I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
