I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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