The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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