how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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