i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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