Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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